Welcome back to the NBFL Stat Attack!
This time we are looking at the dark side. The spoilers, those that want to make their opponents feel it and those that want to ruin the aerial acrobatics of the NBFL.
Gods, how we love them.
The award for most fouls is usually hotly contested and this season has been no exception with plenty of boots being laid over the course of the regular season tussles. A good boot always brings a roar of appreciation from the crowd and ESBN has great pleasure in bringing recognition to these usually unsung heroes of the astrogranite. We are also going to look at the most MVPs and the most interceptions. We shall be giving an award for most interceptions this season by a regular rostered player for this season. Why are we making it clear it is for a rostered player? You’ll see…
Just remember, at ESBN WE write the narrative.
First up is the famous Jeffro’s Posterior Pounding Award for most fouls…
Our clear winner here is Hattrick Peterson the Mercyless from Arizona. As good as his name, Hattrick was outstanding in the boots department delivering near enough a foul every two turns played. A key plank in the intricate Chaos offensive philosophy of “If there is no one on the pitch we can score again”, Hattrick operated on the basis that “what goes down, must come off”. A fine season and we expect great things.
Honourable Mentions: Ogletree of the Lost Angels of the NBFL and Telcogouc Robinson of the New York Deviants. Both players had fine seasons with the boot delivering 38 and 36 fouls respectively. A long way short of our leader these two were very popular amongst league fans for their commitment to rhinoplasty. Congratulations to all three of these fine players.
Next up we have the Champagne Charlie Chalice most MVPs. Given the recent rule changes from the “Powers That Be”, MVPs are now directed to an extent meaning that the fancy dans that are beloved of the fans and management can be rewarded for… ummm… errr… whatever it is they do…
Our winner here is Aaron Green [TCU] of the Weaklington Frailskins. The ultimate fancy dan of a fancy dan team that is manned by a fancy dan race. I mean, really, there isn’t much else that can be said really, is there? Absolutely filthy he is. Guard? Check. MB? Check. Diving Tackle? Check. Filth. But a very valuable piece of the Weaklington puzzle. How far can they go in the playoff? Stay tuned.
Honourable Mentions: Lars Jeordin of the Detroilet Sewer Lions and John Abraslam of the New York Wrecks. Obviously popular with the fans, Jeordin and Abraslam are valuable members of their respective lineups. Jeordin is showing a lot of potential as an strength boosted blodger and as for Abraslam? Coach robocoyote tells us that he has been taking his pilates classes very seriously and there are plans to make him an even more integral part of the team. Good luck to all players moving forwards and we shall take interest in their development.
Finally we have the Golden Hands award for this season. No further comment shall be made, suffice to say it is an unholy hot mess in there. We have chose our winner from regular rostered players as stars already get paid big bucks. They don’t get awards too.
Congratulations to our winner Gogja Taverna of the Detroilet Sewer Lions and the runners-up Brawn Ellis of the New York Wrecks and JuJu Smith-Schuster of the Blitzburgh Seers.
Well done, you sneaky gits.
So, the awards season is now complete. Congratulations to the winners and honourable mentions of each and every award. It’s been a fantastic season as always here in the NBFL and we are looking forward to the playoffs that are already heating up. Good luck to all the playoff teams. Except for that one. You know who you are.
Until next time, this was the ESBN Awards Show.
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